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September 19, 2007

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vs

Tim--I completely get where you are coming from. I've been living in a "trial" for years and it has taken on many forms under each of the four steps you mentioned. 1. I have felt the unfairness of it all-"why me?" 2. I've gotten through other trials, I'll get through this one. 3.I don't seem to be getting THROUGH this--meaning the trial is still hanging on what else do I need to learn to get out of this?? The trial stinks, but I trust... (I trusted that it would end... nope) 4, But, NOW-I do see the Almighty and I realize now that He has been with me since day 1-- I just didn't always want to be with Him. I'm learning that were it not for this trial I would not have been ministered to by the most amazing people I would never have met any other way. They have taught me so much! I've also been able to minister through this trial in a new way and to people I would not have had the opportunity to otherwise. Finally, I see that God has been preparing me and calling me to HIS MINISTRIES. His specific ministry for my life--not teach Sunday school--though that is a worthy ministry. This is the ministry that God has prepared for me and is preparing me for. I didn't volunteer for this. The Lord has taken me through it, around it, and back through it again and I'm still learning. I do believe I have a thick head or I'm slow to learn or something! :} Actually, I did think that once, but now I know God has taken me on this journey---do I want to carry this cup? NO WAY!! But, would I trade the growth in my relationship with God to not have to feel the pain? NO WAY! Some trials will never go away and I think God continues to work ON us and THROUGH us the more we submit our trial to His will. That's the trick--we say, let God's will be done, but seriously... only if you're going to play nice with me God. When we LET God's will be done in our lives (it's going to happen anyway so stop fighting it.. it only took me a year of fighting to grasp that) He takes us to a place of closer intimacy with Him. It is so scary to not be able to see the end of a trial that is too scary to begin with. Yet, we must submit our trials to His will to feel the reward of the trial, even while we still suffer in it. (I've also learned a big unending trial has lots of mini-trials to help you cope with the big one-- gee thanks, God) my sarcasm is tongue in cheek-- I'm not really smarting off to God :}

The only people who want to go through life spiritually dead are the ones that already are (like I was)--sometimes God has to wake us up and sometimes he has to bring us to a new awakening. I think it was both for me. Want to hear the best part? I actually prayed for God to wake me up spiritually!!! Be very careful what you pray for because God really is listening. But, really, I missed the intimacy I once had.

I pray that you don't have to suffer-- I know no more caring person than yourself-- but I trust God would only allow trials in your life that he purposes specifically for you. Lord, please give Tim the exact vision you want him to have while you draw him into the deepest intimacy he has yet known with you and that through suffering he truly feels your peace. Please protect him from attack and bless his family. I thank you for giving such a wise and kind man to do a job no sane person would ever want to do.

When Jesus knew the cup that was before him he sweat drops of blood. I think it's okay to experience normal emotions--but to also have the expectation that Gods perfect will is BEING done and WILL be done and the end result will be unlimited blessing and a deeper level of intimacy. Best wishes to you. (Oh, and it still stinks)

Mike Hoskins

Tim, this has to be your greatest blog entry, yet! I can totally relate.

I've already forwarded this on to quite a few people.

Can you say, "Built-in sermon series?" ;-)

I think these blogs are a great way to apply Hebrews 3:13. I know I benefit from them.

Thanks, Tim!

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